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| I feel I may have actually achieved something today. I've nearly finished my first attempt at a unit for an ESL textbook.
I'm in desparate need of a shake up in my at-home working strategy though. The day always starts with the same vision in mind. "this will be my day, I will produce miraculous amounts of quality work, write a fabulous essay and somehow gain an understanding of the inner workings of administrative law". I figure that with an entire day ahead of me, I can spare an hour or so to eat breakfast, drink coffee, chat with friends, watch TV, research random online shit. So I indulge a little and do stuff, which clearly isn't going to contibute to my 'vision'.
At some point, I turn around and look at my clock (which is wind up, so occasionally stops on the wrong time) and its 1.30pm. or is it 2.30? Either way, we're into the afternoon and I've done absolutely nothing productive. I think to myself, a cup of coffee will stimulate my senses, make me alert and ultimately make me work harder. So I trot off the the kitchen and brew a cup, I also think to myself, it's been a few hours since I ate, I should really fix myself a snack. This invariably ends up being something cooked. Cooked food is more substantial and nutritious, so conducive to productivity. I can justify an hour to create a food and drink combination that will sustain me and the eventuality of my vision.
So now it's 4.00. It's well and truly afternoon and I've just finished cleaning up my plate. I can admit to myself, today hasn't gone quite to plan, I haven't written quite as much as I'd hoped. But, hey I still have hours to get stuff done. I can stay up til 3am and make up for the hours spent not working, right..?
I sit down with my books and my notes. I want to be interested. But failure to take relevant considerations into account and cases about local council decisions aren't grabbing me. I persevere for a while, but my mind begins to drift. Im thinking about whether to buy egyptian cotton towels or the ones with the small loops. Should my next jeans be dark blue or black? I really needed the 38.5 in those shoes at Mollini, if I get the 39, I'm gonna slip all over the place. Are those photo frames which hold multiple photos tacky? yeah, they are. Where do I even buy frames in Sydney? Maybe I should google that. I get Pachalbel's Canon in my head and think I'll go mental if I don't download it. It's been a few hours, so I should grab another cup of coffee. That's the trick..
Now it's 10pm. Im starting to feel tired. But I think, I can do better than this. I said 3am, so 3am it will be. More staring at words on pages, cursing the double negatives and run on sentences I'm encountering and thinking about towels and shoes and frames and the boy. I feel justified in wasting precious time pondering about the boy. It's worth it. Though I do get myself in a tizzy
Now it's 11.30 and I'm very tired. My muscles are all achey. So I think, look I'll be doing my body a huge disservice if I stay awake. I might even get sick and then what can I do? So I lay in bed and promise tomorrow will be different.
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| It's been a very long time since I've posted.
Though I feel like a lot of things should have happened. They really haven't.
All that's new is:
- I'm at UTS studying my tail off..(that's a blatant lie..)
- I hate administrative law. It's boring and hard, the readings frustrate me and then send me to sleep.
- I've taken to wearing dresses a lot of the time.
- I hate the way Australian girls are dressing themselves. I never really realised it, but lots of Aussie girls have really great figures. Lean, slender, golden bods.... which are being unjustifiably covered up with all kinds of maternity style clothing..!!
- Since leaving Korea, there are a few things, which I can't stop doing or that continue to make me feel uneasy.i.e. I must carry and use a mirror, whenever I leave the house. I see no problem with publicly taking photos of myself, using my phone camera. I wear make up and heels, everyday to uni. I scream or am at least startled by any loud, sudden noises. I beckon people, with my hand facing down. I always enquire as to whether my friends have eaten recently. I feel uneasy when: I haven't checked my email or looked at my phone in a 24 hr period. Someone fills my glass, when there's liquid remaining. I write using a red pen.
- I still really like my friend's brother and am frustrated by his absence right now..
I should be reading cases or something about labor law. But that is also boring.
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| Has anyone else noticed that when you eat jja jang myeon, the noises it makes when you're lifting it up to your mouth are quite awful. It's like a squelchy sound.
I'm sitting in my apartment with my suitcase packed and waiting out the time til I leave for the airport. This is my last meal in Korea probably.
Goodbyes are so funny. We say them all the time and they come so naturally. "yeah, seeya later..I'll call you". But somehow when you know you won't see that person again for a long time or possibly ever, you feel as though you should say something significant about what that person has meant to you or how much they've made you laugh. But we never do.
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| Thankyou. Thankyou. Thankyou. My faith is restored...
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| I'm waiting with bated breath for you to call me. Please hurry up before I get upset.
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